Hope in the Midst of Life ~ April 2016
I hope this finds you remembering to list three things you are thankful for each day! Maybe you remember that assignment from the last newsletter? I find I need to remind myself of healthy, important things – in the midst of caregiving when it often feels like my time is not my own. I am not a caregiver of children any longer… I am a caregiver of parents. It is different than what most of you do, but there are probably similarities.
As I mentioned, I often feel that my time is not my own. As I consider what you might be facing, I am guessing you might feel that way sometimes too. Caregiving; we wouldn’t consider NOT doing it, but sometimes, it is totally overwhelming. Yet in the challenges I am surprised to find amazing gifts.
Recently I was reminded of a precious story in my life. I offer it to you – because it just may strike a treasure in you as well, and because we all need to be reminded – that in everyday life, which often looks mundane and far from thrilling… in that place where you find yourself often overwhelmed – you are heroes. True heroes – the ones who fix things as best as possible… who don’t go away, even when the moment may be so far past “ugly” you can’t even see “ugly” from there.
I journal sometimes; write “the important stuff” down, so as not to forget. The other day I was going through an old journal and I found one of my favorite “mom stories”. … It seems like yesterday, but it was actually years ago, when my son was playing little league. He hit the ball toward short, and ran to first… The first baseman ran to the base to catch the throw for the out. They collided; HARD. He was laid out, horizontal, high in the air before he landed – even HARDER …. And he didn’t move. I was on my way to him before he hit the ground. Someone asked him –if he was okay and he told her…“No. But my Mom will come.”
“My mom will come.” How I have treasured those words he spoke that day from the dirt; such an honor to be the trusted one… the one that no matter what – would be there. “My Mom will come.”
As I sat with my old journal and paused to go over that precious memory one more time, it hit me… My Mom used to come too.
Just recently, I recognize that I have grown wiser – You all, caregivers of children, know this wisdom well… gained in the joys and sorrows of caregiving- the losses and the gifts. I look in the mirror and someone who has laughed much, and lately cried too often, looks back at me. I am “old” now, and Mom doesn’t come fix things anymore. Hard lesson this is. Tears roll down my checks yet again in this caregiving life I lead. My Dad, my siblings and I, we go to Mom….. but the days when — “My Mom will come” …. Have now passed.
There were many times mom came … to school when I forgot something, to meetings, to piano recitals, and then to take care of my own children when I went off to coach. She came to fix things that were broken and mend things that were torn…. when the sink clogged and the house smelled, and whenever my son took apart appliances and had pieces left! I called her when I couldn’t get a stain out, and when the freezer died. She was even “wildlife patrol” the day I found a baby possum in our garage! She came when I needed money, and when the car died along the road. She came when she could help us – always to fix things for her children. She taught me that one went to church even when one didn’t feel like going! And that there comes a time when one just does the hard thing – because it needs doing. She taught me that loving people is helping people – and feeding them.
My Mom doesn’t fix anything anymore… and she can no longer remember most of the times she did. But every once in awhile, my mom is still here – I see her in the eyes that too often lately seem vacant…. And she says something dry and laughs like she used to… and for a short moment… my mom is my Mom…. The one who came.
Not too long ago, I toured New Horizons and had the opportunity to see your beautiful children. I not only saw the wonderful things New Horizons staff does, but I had to think of each of you. You are this dependable parent for the ones you care for…You are the ones that no matter what – your children know – you will be there.
Absolutely and completely EXHAUSTING – YES! But one of the greatest treasures of our lives!!
Thank you for being heroes for your children and always coming. Now in this moment do not make less of your heroism. I didn’t say you were perfect… I said you are heroes because you are dependable. And that – in all the challenges – is truly a gift that you give over and over. Thank you for always coming for your children. It is amazing what you do.
Janet Miller MA LPCC
